- Marriage certificate with bridal dress will be required if both husband and wife are required to qualify for the loan.

- GFE will not require signature, but will require blood sampling from a recognized institution within three days of application.

- DNA test will be performed at closing to avoid any non-arms length transactions. Loan funding will be contingent upon satisfactory receipt of DNA results.

- Verification of deposit will be acceptable only if Bank representative is present at the closing. Copy of Pay stubs and W2 will only be acceptable through IRS and only with a wax-sealed envelope mailed directly to the lender.

- Seven witnesses from the neighborhood will be required as proof of primary residence in case borrower owns more than 1 property.

- All appraisers will be required to use masks and ear plugs at the time of inspection to avoid any personal influence by the borrower or broker for the appraised value.

- In order to correctly calculate DTI and true housing ratio a list of grocery items, monthly usage and brand names will be required with receipts and projected 12 month consumption chart.

- Closing will not occur without loan officer presence at settlement and loan officer picture will be taken at the closing in a mug shot format with loan number. Picture should meet standard guideline of 2 X 2 inch in color format with one facing and one side view.

- Loan officer picture will be attached to the Deed and note and will be made available for general public and security agencies in case borrower defaults on the loan.

~ Greg

P.S. OF COURSE THESE ARE ALL JOKES!!!!